I will be completing my fourth month after this coming week and will be approaching my fifth month on this job. As for basics, I guess I am pretty much done, however, there are problems when coping with exceptions in different situations. This tends to happen due to the variety of procedures needed for different cases. I don't understand myself well enough. However, I must say that I definitely am not motivated and don't look forward to work. The only thing that keeps me going is money. As much as I despise being controlled by money and consumption activities, I can't deny the importance of money. It is a necessities if you live in the society.
Unfortunately, I am unable to meet my expectations this week. I still miss a programming tutorial for this week. However, I am sure that I definitely did more than what I had expected myself to. Reason being me having to attend a funeral during the weekends. In addition to that, I am unable to wake myself up even though I have had enough sleep and rest. Something seems wrong with me, health issues. However, I doubt I would go for a check as I don't have sufficient money to afford the medical services in my country. Moreover, as I have just started working, I am not covered in the medical insurance plan of the company until I worked there for at least 6 months and proved that I am worthy for them to confirm my position in the company and be eligible for insurance plans, benefits and bonuses. In other words, I am still under probation right now. However, I am glad that there is such probation period, because it allows you to quit with a short notice if you find yourself unsuitable for the job or perhaps, in my case, finding that the industry does not suit me.
I haven't been able to complete my course material this week due to the lack of focus. I have tried looking through the lectures and readings in the evening but nothing seems to get absorbed. This is rare and this means that there is something in my mind which is bothering me a lot. The thing is, I don't exactly know what is bothering me. Isn't this ridiculous? It is at least to me. I believe that I would know myself best, and when I can't tell what is bothering me, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from thinking about the unknown issue. The important point is if I can't stop myself, no one else can. (Though, no one else would.) Despite that, I would probably try to finish up my course material tomorrow. Given my experience the past four months, I would be pretty much dead after Tuesday. Now, as for this week tasks, I would like to do up posts everyday as well, one review and two tutorials to make up for the one I missed out this week. In addition to that, I would need to spend more time with myself, understanding what am I really worrying so that I can focus on the task on hand and the future that I want myself to be in.
As usual, I will continue to look for a more suitable position and one which is, preferably, closer to my rented unit so that I would save the time travelling on the crowded transport. I would look for to the day more with that. Some may think that it is wrong to leave a company especially when you just started not too long ago. Yes, ethically, it may not be right. Company, to be exact people who hired you into the company, would think that they are kind enough to give you the opportunity to work there and paying you for your work, therefore, you should thank them and provide your best to them (or at least stay for a longer period of time). However, to be honest, time for a human(or perhaps any living things) is one of the most precious thing we possess. As you all know, we don't live forever, therefore we need to treasure our time we have for as long as we live. Yet, most of the time we are forced to do things that we are unwilling to waste our time on. Therefore, for me, I definitely would choose to live for my own (at least when it is work related) as compared to living for a particular company which is 'kind' enough to take you in. Unfortunately, there are people out there who see this as being irresponsible. Yes, it is irresponsible if you take the company's perspective. However, it is definitely responsible to my own life. That is how I think. It is not wise for you to use this in interview as you might be more likely to fail it. During interview, it seems like (if you think like me) it is necessary for you to lie. I will get used to it more.
I will end this post as it is getting too long. Enjoy your world cup later in about 1 hour and 20 minutes. It's the last day of the weekend, enjoy and rest well for the work days ahead.
Smile people..Don't frown too much like me. We share sorrows which nobody may understand, we may only have rare occasion of joys, however, when you don't give up yourself, I am sure one day you will be enlightened and find the road that you would like to walk.
Bye.
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