Since I took a day off on Monday, so I am definitely having the Tuesday blues this week. Does it make sense? I am glad I am able to take a day off today, not only I am able to settle more personal stuffs with the bank and get myself a haircut, I did much of my studying today as well. I will try to keep to my promise of updating daily this week. Don't want the habit of skipping the day without any post to jot down my thoughts just because I was not feeling well or perhaps I am too tired to think and type anything.
I was advised that I shouldn't worry too much about the future as it will only make me feel worse. It does not solve any of my problem. Moreover she suggested that if you keep thinking about the negative, you will never see the positive. Why make your life so miserable when you could live happily? Just then, someone else commented, yes but this is only true when someone does not need to worry about the basic necessity like housing, meals, bills. It only could be done only when the person are financial stable and don't have to worry much financially. She commented that that is true as well. Hence, I guess I will just continue my way of living thinking and planning carefully everyday. Yes, I would need to worry about my future and save for my family medical expenses. I am still negative every month due to medical expenses and medical loans and study loans which I owe. The only thing I can do is to work harder perhaps find a freelance job during weekends so that I can earn more since my current job does not approve any of my overtime. Some might wonder if I did not ask for the over time money that's why they did not approve. However, that was not the case, I tried asking them to approve my over time and telling them that I really need the money due to my family conditions. Yet, they told me that they will not approve my overtime as the work I wrote was written by someone else in my team. Yes, because they pushed their work to me. Since I was the one who did the work, shouldn't I be the one who get the pay? I don't understand what is going on in their head, and I will never want to understand those rubbish. I will just study and work harder so that I am able to secure myself in the industry that I am passionate about and hopefully earn more. It tends to be easier to get freelance job in the IT industry as compared to the rest. I have had my share of sales and freelance sales job position, however, it seems like I am not good in selling and I don't like to force and pester someone till they buy my products. As for education, I am still currently freelancing for my ex-company, however, the number of assignments are getting lesser and lesser as time passed. Perhaps, this is due to an increase in free-lancer or part-timers in the company or maybe it's due to a loss of many of their clients. I am not really sure about this, but I am not earning much recently from their freelance assignments and most of their assignment timings does not suit me as I need to work full-time during the weekdays. Just like what I said to a friend who is also currently looking for a full-time job that suits her, 'I will have to learn to be patient and wait for the right opportunity'. Yes, but how much longer can I wait? How much time do I have to wait? I am not too sure about that myself. Where is my breaking point?
It's only ten right now, I guess I can get some studying done before I go to bed. My brother recently signed up for a Maths course online and he is asking me to get him a tablet so that he can dot down the assignments online using his tablet. I wonder if he understands the situation that we are in right now. Based on his behaviors and attitudes, I guess he don't understand. He wants to live comfortably, and if I suffer or mum suffers because of that, it's our own fault for being unsuccessful and not earning enough for him to spend. He acts as if he is thinking this way. It pisses me off every single time. He should seriously learn to grow up and earn what he want to spend instead of holding his hands out and get it from us bluntly. Now, that mum is ill, he is getting it from the allowance that I spare for mum every month so that she would have enough for food and transport. That's the maximum I can afford to spare. With bills, rental, medical expenses, loans and other expenses (like my water pipes in my rental flat cracked), leaves me negative every month. My friend was commenting that I seem to be the sole bread winner for my family at such a young age. It is not seem, I am the sole bread winner for my family now. I can say, having just one person to support the family will never be enough in my country, unless you have work experience with good connections and land yourself in company that pays their employee comparatively fairly. In addition to that, you have to be in senior management position in order to earn enough to support your family by yourself. Unfortunately, I am none of those. I don't have enough time to be experienced enough to secure myself a better position and I do not connect well with the people in the same department and most likely, there would not be any upward movement for me. Ok! I will stop this before I get too depressed about this.
For now, I will go and read up my book and continue my studies. I might update a last one before I sleep today as I would be drained and tired tomorrow.
Ciao~ For those who are already sleeping, have a good night sleep and make sure you are relax while you are sleeping. Otherwise, you will still feel drained tomorrow even though you sleep early.
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