It's almost time for me to go to bed, however, I know that I am currently lacking in what I should do. Hence, I am staying up to jot down the things I will need to complete as soon as possible in order to keep them in mind and complete them when I am able to.
I guess I am too preoccupied by certain negative thoughts that occur to me randomly. Things like why doesn't things go smoothly for me, why are there unfair circumstances that results in my current financial situation, are there really no way out of this mess. Just the thought of such problems made me almost unable to function any more. Hence, I know I should try to seek a way out of this. I am finding one and while finding, I know that I shouldn't stop thinking, stop moving and, most importantly, I shouldn't give up. I should try harder and pick myself up.
There is not all bad news around. The good news for the week will be "I finally found a place where I can sleep during lunch break!". It may be funny to some, time wasting to others. To me, it's a good news. I have been trying to find a quiet and comfortable place to take a rest, read or nap for a while. However, city areas seem to be lacking of such places. Today, I managed to find one cozy spot. Though some times there might be tourists around, it's quiet and comfortable to rest in. Yes, that is enough to make me happy and grateful. However, it does not change my mind to look for an alternative job which suits me more.
Of course, after the good news, we are left with the bad ones. I would like to go over them slowly, however, I will need to rest soon so that I can function more efficiently tomorrow and perhaps be in a shape to do up a programming tutorial or finish my Coursera quiz and assignments. So we will get right to it, at work, it seems like the current new manager would let the staff who is the "most junior" (as she named) to do all the work that it is not necessary for them to do. Hence, my table has already turned into a mountains of files and papers. There are barely any space left for me to type and write in. This results in a bad typing and writing position which cause my hand to be hurting really badly since last week. Every time I type or write in office, I will feel the strain on my right wrist. I am still comfortable typing and writing at home though. I guess things are still fine right now. The next thing that bothers me was the lack of communication in opportunity for growth. It seems like if you are volunteered by others, you will get the opportunity, otherwise, you are not even asked or given the chance to learn or take part. That happens to me. It seems like it is only natural that others get selected. Things does not work based on your effort nor merits. Things work based on how broad is your connection and how long you are there with the company itself. That shows that unless they hire someone new, I will always be the one picking up all the rubbish. Hence, I decided not to work as hard since I am paid the lowest and given the worst treatment in the whole office. My desk was not even cleaned by the cleaner even though it's her job to. Unfortunately for me, she choose the desks and offices she would clean while leaving some out. That is only natural since she is not being paid well by the company. Why should you do all the work when you are not paid enough to? I guess that is what we are thinking.
With that, I guess I would try to go off on time since I have decided not to do my best for them. I will focus more on my studies and job search starting tomorrow. More importantly, I will not stay any time later than 6.30pm since I am not paid my over time and not being treated equally. I see no reason to put in effort when I know I will get nothing in return. Based on my knowledge, they would not hire anyone soon, perhaps they might in one or two years but not now. Hence, I am better off elsewhere with better growth and learning opportunities.
That reminds me. I have one thing I would like to complain about and that is: I am not even trained properly for the job and tasks and they are already pushing everything to me! Of course, eventually I learned what I need to survive on my own, however, there may be plenty of loopholes and wrongdoings in my work. Yet, they seem to be not checking thoroughly enough before I submit them to the clients. It results in all sorts of troubles and they simply push all the responsibilities to me. I don't mind that since I am not staying there long. Yet, it will be a bad start for anyone out there seeking employment for this company I guess. It's really not a good place to be trained and developed.
Right, so much for the bad news. Most of them are work related and it is obvious that I should find an alternative before I am driven nuts by it. Due to a difference in working hours, I haven't spent much time with my family as well. Time is precious and they should be allocated to people who mean the most to you. I wonder why is my time spent on things which don't matter to me at all. We have no choice as we are born in this era with the current economic systems. Most of us are not blessed with the freedom to control our own time with our free will. We are bind in the system where we need to secure our survival by giving up our precious possession. What an ironic way to live.
Time for me to go to bed. I will carry on jotting down my thoughts tomorrow since I would just pack and go back early. Nothing more could stop me from doing that. I won't be feeling guilty anymore because there is no reason for me to any more.
Ciao. Hope you guys enjoyed your week. May your days fill with excitement and fun. Have enough rest and look forward to a new day once your eyes are opened. (Normally, this doesn't happen. Most of us dread the moment which we have to open our eyes even though life is precious. That is a sign of you not doing something that you enjoy, something that you would look forward to.)
Alright, I shall stop the ranting and typing of random thoughts in my head. Good night everyone.
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