Sleepless week...

One more day and I will survive through one whole week of sleepless nights, which was one of the reason why I can't squeeze out any more energy to jot down my thoughts lately.

Anyway, I have tried quite hard for this week to complete what I was supposed to, however, I realize this does not depends on my will or my efforts. If others refuse to work hard, nothing could ever be done. I guess most people realize this long ago, hence, reflecting the reason as to why they are pushing all their responsibilities and workload to someone else. I guess I should stop work so hard as well.

I have tried looking for other positions, however, luck is not with me and I am unable to find one that is suitable and those that I have tried haven't been contact me at all. Unfortunately, it seems like I don't have much choice right now but to continue waiting. It seems like though they appear to give us choices, to choose what we want to specialize in, and to choose what kind of job we want, that may not actually be giving us freedom. Yes, we get to choose but we may never get to be in the position we choose to be in. Other forces are preventing that from happening. Perhaps, in actual fact, we are never free in the first place.

Other than that, there was a short surprise this week. I have met up with a friend coincidentally and well we did have our lunch together for a while. However, due to the nature of our characters, I guess we will never meet again. In any case, it was a surprise for this week. Some thing different, and being different makes you feel that you are really living.

To be honest, I am beginning to feel the essence of not living for my own sake. Living for the sake of earning to 'live'. What is that supposed to mean? I am not really sure myself. It is perhaps just a thought. Everyday is just the same, working for the sake of earning a living and sleeping for the sake of waking to work. Everything just seems like an endless cycle. Why am I doing that? For the sake of living. However, am I really living? I don't think so.

Right..

I know, it is contradicting. I am contradicting. That's what the friend said to me this week, why am I contradicting myself and making my own life difficult when I can just live like any normal person. However, truth is, I am already not any normal person due to my family background. Not only because of our financial status, in the place, it almost seems like we are being deprived on as no one can survive with their own salary. The poor clinging to the poorer...Debts leading to more debts. So familiar...

Guess there is nothing more I can do now but to wait and further my studies to find a job which suits me more as compared to the current one. Even though I have gotten used to the ill-treatment I get everyday, I know that I won't be interested in what I am doing very clearly. Nothing had caught my interest.

I haven't been catching up with the news and I will be doing so tomorrow and the upcoming weekend. Hopefully, there would be something interesting to read and not the regular news we see everyday. In addition to that, I would stay up to watch the world cup semi-final and final so that I would not feel that I miss out something big due to work.

I will try to post one or two more later once I get my thoughts sorted out to make up for the lost posts from Monday to Wednesday.

Cheer up! Don't be gloomy!

Weekend will be here soon, so let's just smile.

Until later...