I have finished with my previously incomplete post. A short introduction with Java programming below. Well, if you find it hard to navigate, just look at the archives, those labelled with a number in front will be the tutorial for Java programming and other languages in future.
Even though I am happy about completing this simple blog post, I am totally getting the Monday blues on Sunday night itself. It's not even past 12 am yet. I wonder if there is any methods to make you like something that you don't like? Does the previous sentence even makes any sense to you? To like something that you don't like. If you know that you don't like something and you still want to make yourself like it, then you are just lying to yourself. Therefore, I shouldn't be doing something like this to myself when I am not living comfortably as compared to the rest.
One thing I really dread about working days is that I rarely have sufficient energy left at the end of the day to do something I really would like to do. One such thing would be studying. Another thing would be spending quality time with my family. The last thing would be jotting down all my thoughts for the day. I wonder why I would want to do that at all. One possible answer is I am probably interested to see how my thinking changes over time as I experience different things during work, during travel and so on.
Anyway, due to the bullying and the lack of interest, I am still on the quest finding a suitable job that would allow time flexibility so that I can start studying my diploma course that I would like to sign up for. I am still thinking whether to save up first or should I take a loan. Does the time difference really make a difference? I haven't really think about the time difference issue seriously yet. However, I really wonder how did others manage to find another job before quitting their current one. It seems like I don't even have time to even pick up my calls during my working hours due to the heavy work load. Even basic leave was not being approved by my supervisor if you'd read my previous post about it. It seems really difficult. The major road block to the transition would be that I am not in a position in which I can stop working. I guess most of us know that no income when you are in a country which has sky rocketing high cost of living is almost similar to driving yourself into the edge of a cliff. I am the one earning the most in my household, however, as compared to the society, my earnings is perhaps the middle low income or the low income portion. Due to the lack of education of my mum, her earnings for her full time job is barely enough to keep all of us alive, we are always running negative. No way for us to even afford a house. Therefore, I have got to work part time while studying and eventually giving up studying and work full time. Even so, we are still in the negative due to the high cost of health care. Recently, we just received a lawyer's letter from the hospital saying that if my mum is in no condition to pay from the outstanding bills, they would sue the immediate family member to cover the cost. That's pretty much the honest scenario we have been facing. I bet some would wonder if we did actually seek help from our state government or charity organization or similar. We have been for the past 10 years. If I were to describe the feeling of experiencing ten years of debts, lawyer letters and endless credit collectors phone calls, it would be something like falling into a deep well, where you see the light getting further and further away from you, not knowing when you would eventually land and die. Even now I tried to motivate myself by thinking that things would change for the better eventually, I can't deny that I still feel that at times and things like this really drives you insane.
Well, just typing about it can make me feel so demoralize. I wonder if I am going to receive any lawyer letters tomorrow? The stress is so huge that some times it is suffocating literally. Plus, almost 10 hrs work is not going any smoothly everyday. Is there anyway for me to resolve this at all? Perhaps, there is. It's just that I have not found the solution yet. Once I found it, I will jot it down and share it here.
It's late and I got to get some sleep so that hopefully it helps to preserve some energy for me to finish up my chapter 2 tomorrow and start on a new post on Java programming as well.
Look out for the Monday blues..
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