As my current supervisor is leaving and the new supervisor is taking over, there are things which are to be discussed and handover. These result to the department becoming overly noisy, confused and it's actually quite a mess. Anyway, apart from that, it seems like they all know each other before they even came into the current company, apparently, they came from the same company last time. No wonder they seem to be close to each other and never seem to mind when seeing others pushing all their work to me, then recording them down in the work done section. Since no single work should be approved twice, I guess that is why I will never be able to claim back my overtime. Till now, none is approved.
I guess there is something wrong with my stomach, since I am still having diarrhea every morning. I had been questioned why am I going to the washroom so often in the morning, I thought it will be obvious to them that I am not feeling well. However, they commented that they thought I was slacking off work. Question is how do I slack when you guys just throw me mountains and mountains of tasks to complete. Some times I really think that some people are either too much or plain dumb. If I can control how my body react, I really don't wish to be in pain and runs off to the wash room all the time. It's torturing for me as well and it's definitely not something that I want to happen. Really, I hope people can be more understanding.
Today, they celebrated the department leader's promotion and, of course, I was excluded from it. I don't really care about it. However, certain things they do and said tell me that they don't trust me at all, and that's why I am not being treated like a team member. Most of the time they will ask twice, if I have done and completed the work that they pushed to me. If I answered yes, they will ask if I double checked. If I answered yes again, they will ask if I am sure. Then, they will proceed to log the work. However, it became worse today when they asked why am I going to the washroom so much. I replied that I was having the stomachache this morning, and they replied, you sure you are not just trying to slack off. I don't know what should I feel about it. At the end of the day, I still had to work over time to get things done without my pay, why would I want to slack of during normal hours when I can just try to finish everything on time. I really don't understand what do they have inside their brain. Perhaps, I will never understand. The best thing to do is to find a better and suitable workplace then leave the current one since it's causing much unhappiness. The one thing I understand is how I feel, since I lost my smiles when I work, I know that this is not the position for me. Since I lost the motivation to wake up everyday to have a good start, I know I don't look forward the day at work. To be honest, working is something we will spend more time than our loved ones in a day, if you are not happy with it, then not only you will make yourself miserable, in the long run, you will question the meaning of all your actions and realize you have chosen the wrong path. Well, that is my opinion, some of you may have a different way of thinking and you are definitely entitled to your views of this matter. Since it happened to me, I can only express how I feel about it honestly. However, you may like to share your views on the matter imagining that it happened to you as well.
I will be accompanying my mum to do her various scans this Saturday. Thank god, it is a Saturday as it's difficult for me to get any leave approved in my workplace. However, the doctor's appointment to get the results of the scans will be on a Thursday. Another worry to add on.
Regrettably, I reached home only 10.30pm today and just finished having my dinner. Hence, I am jotting down my thoughts here as usual. I am not sure if I will be able to type anything more today since I am really tired and my eyes are really half closing even when I am typing this. I really hope to do up something for the blog. Perhaps, something that is simple and short. I will try to find something, however, if I really can not take it, I will just sleep and try to make up for it tomorrow or Thursday.
Now, I hope others out there are not as tired and drained as I am. Of course, I hope you guys do enjoy your work and loves the challenges that you faced everyday. I am desperately trying to come to like the work that I am not motivated to do, but it seems like I can't do that. I have someone who advise me that this is just a matter of thinking. You will come to like it if you tell yourself that you like what you are doing currently and believe what you are telling yourself. I can't bring myself to lie to myself though.
Ciao.
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