The one who has a problem...

I realize that the one who has problem is definitely myself. The worse thing was I just realize it today after an incident. When I realize that, I guess the first thing I did was to panic. I didn't know what can I do to help myself. Hence, I wasted the entire day thinking about it, and lost in my own thoughts.

Perhaps, you may think that I have found my answer and that's why I am typing this post jotting down my string of thoughts. Sorry to disappoint you, I have not found any answer to my problem yet. I am typing this to make myself face my own problem, and accept it.

I have no idea what I am suffering from and whether or not it can be overcome. However, what I know is, I don't have the resources and financial means to seek help from professionals. Furthermore, there are no others alternatives in this place where I can find a solution without spending money on it. I don't even have enough for my family's medical expenses, so I will not increase my own family's financial burden. No matter what, I will try my best to resolve it on my own.

So, what should be my next step? To be honest, I really have no idea what can I do to help myself. I guess I should first set my mind into thinking more positively. In addition, I should also step up with the interactions with humans apart from my family and relatives. Perhaps that could get me used to the environment and stress that I will be facing everyday. Hence, I should try and adapt to that before I do anything else.

Moreover, for no reason at all, I feel that the one who is giving me the problems I am facing seems to be myself. I have no idea why I should make myself stressful when I am doing things that I am not used to. Even when I know that there is no wrong or right, I will give myself great burden when I am doing so. It seems like I have strong values of what is right and what is wrong unconsciously. No matter I am thinking right now, even though I may think that what I am doing isn't wrong, I may be unconsciously blaming myself for doing the wrong things. I am not sure is that exactly the case. I ought to know myself better.

Anyway, I fail to put up a tutorial in time, however, I had in mind what I am going to do for the next tutorial already. I need time to realize it and test it out before I post. While typing this, it seems like there is someone outside vomiting.

Guess it's for me to sleep~