Don't you think that humans behaviours are hard to predict? Some times you just can't tell what others really want from you. Is that supposed to be normal? Perhaps it is normal, and I am the only one who finds it weird. But who knows?
Woke up slightly late this morning as my alarm clock was not working. However, this 5 minutes later had resulted to a 25 minutes late for work due to the bus arrival time and MRT train stoppages. It seems that the seniors and supervisors were unhappy about it and kept going on about I should stay later today because of this. Well, after commenting on that, they went out for breakfast and left the works for me. What a team. They have always said they don't hold back on your feedback and words because we're a team. To me, it is more like they're a team while I am just an outsider which they make use of to clear all the chores for them. Having much said, I got off work much later today as well, as usual without any OT pay. Yes, it is not worth it especially when you aren't interested in what you are doing.
I wanted to jot down some of my thoughts yesterday, however, the moment I lie onto my bed, I fell asleep almost instantly, leaving my computer on. There goes my electricity bill. I got to learn to save up more if not I wouldn't be able to survive.
There was a random question that pop up today, "Don't you go out on Friday?" Although I just answered "No", truth is, I would like to go out if I have the money. No matter where I go, I got to spend so much on transport, food and drinks. Those are the necessities. I couldn't even afford to buy the things that I want to. Hence, I don't want to torture myself doing that. No one would want to live the hard way when you could have an easy way of living.
For most of the time, since I have a rather far off background from the normal crowd, I feel as though most people wouldn't even understand even when I explain. They just don't know how it feel because they have not been through the same thing. Though they know that life would be difficult in such situation, they don't experience how difficult it could be. Therefore, it is hard for me to connect with them in a sense. Most of them own at house, a car, having both parents alive and insurance plans. Typical normal societal being standard. I have none of that. Hence, when they started talking about the values of their property, how they are actually millionaires, I couldn't comment on anything. My concerns are more towards the basic healthcare, everyday necessities and brother's education and monthly bill. I am still negative.
It's 1.10am now, such late hour. My eyes are half closed and I know that I should be sleeping. I have more things to jot down but I doubt I can keep my eyes open for another 15 minutes though I really wish to.
I guess I will just got to continue typing tomorrow. And to remind myself again, tomorrow is the best opportunity for me to study. So I got to work harder and hope one day I could afford my own home. Though I know better than others that it is impossible.
Good Night.
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