I bet that this is what most of us working would feel. A resistance to sleep and a resistance to wake, if you know what I mean. However, not all of us feel this way. Few who does have a good job fit would live their life achieving more happiness and a greater sense of accomplishment compared to the rest of us.
Time for me to rest since I got caught in the rain this morning, I should sleep earlier and pray that I wouldn't fall sick tomorrow. A part of me, feel like finishing reading chapter one though. Another part of me, feel like watching a show before going to bed. While there is a voice in me telling me that I should sleep. I wonder if this is actually normal. Normally, people would come to a decision rather promptly, unlike me who thinks way too much. [I think that if we collate the time I spent on thinking, we could complete a few university courses by then.]
Tiring, it may seem. Meaningless, it may seem. There is something that keeps me going on. I can't stress this enough. What worries me now is, what if one day I lose my only motivation. What will happen? Though we will never get to know until that happens, I am still really curious what would happen to me.
In the midst of studying, I got to chat with my brother a little. He is worrying about the amount of loan that he is going to take for his studies. He is afraid that he would not be able to repay that much after his graduate. I really wonder if taking loan for studies is really helpful in securing a higher pay job. Some people that I have met secure their high paying job with only a diploma but rich experience. Is experience better than a degree itself? Maybe some of you out there would know the answer. Honestly, I am really confused about it. I know life is complicated, I didn't think it would be that complicated. Some told me that a degree is actually like a key to open the door to secure an entry position easily, however, if you really want to be promote to a higher position, it's all about experience, interpersonal relationship management, emotional intelligence and *I forgot what else she said*. Other told me that a local degree is only useful is you are planning to apply for a government position. Well, this doesn't matter much to me because I just want to do something that I really enjoy doing and will be constantly curious about. However, that's a totally different case with my brother, he would want something that he could earn more than the average. Securing his financial needs for the future. That's is the different, he is already living while looking forward, I'm still learning the way of living for myself.
Guess it's really late now, time for me to seriously catch some sleep before another hectic and unmotivated day. I guess I could really smile sincerely for less than 1% of my day. Yes, it's quite pathetic. Least, I still have 1%, which compared to some others, I may be really blessed. (Is that how I was brainwashed? I guess so.)
Good Night.
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