I wonder what would be a good way to start our week. Most of us wouldn't even think about it as we have more than what we can take in our head. However, though I have a lot to think about, I am so used to think about things like these. It is perhaps just a bad habit of mine. Sometimes I can't help but envy those who just live life the way it is and think only when there is an external prompt resulting in that. How carefree.
Just moment ago, I was told by my mother to decide on where we should go for reunion dinner. We had some relatives who invited us for dinner as they know that we had no where to go to. Basically, due to our financial and social status, we are excluded and avoided by my father's family immediately after his death. Hence, perhaps it was due to pity, most of the time our mother's side brothers and sisters who invite us over for reunion dinner if possible. It had been this way for such a long time. Over ten years... Yet, till now, it seems like we are still unable to hold our own reunion dinner. I just don't earn enough for that. Given that I had to save up for our house, things are not looking all that great at all. Moreover, even diploma holders got position which provides them a better pay than mine. I just don't know how unlucky I could get. Well, to some of you, it might seem that I am in no position to complain giving reasons that there are people out there who are worse than I am. To put it simply, every conditioned humans want to live comfortably and want to be treated as fairly as possible. It is just the innate conditioned ability causing me to think this way. That's all to it.
The good thing about this week is there is 2 days of public holidays. Finally a good rest off work. I have been not resting well during weekends as I was unconsciously thinking of my workload all the time. It simply is unmanageable. I really wish to find an alternative to it, but I was not given any opportunities. The opportunities that were presented to me, just slipped through my finger tips without me knowing the reason behind that. Perhaps it was my notice period, or the tough competition of other applicants, or the lack of experience in the field I was applying for...Without knowing the exact reason, it is difficult to address them in future opportunities presented to me. Yes, every different job positions would have different expectations and needs. However, giving yourself a chance to explain the reason behind why you were no selected for the position is actually a very basic courtesy to have. I wonder why it was not implemented. Right, organizations would waste time and resources on things which won't result in profits. I had the wrong idea embedded in me all along. I wonder where do I get these wrong ideas from.
Just to keep things positive, I am not losing hope nor would I stop trying. However, I would like to get all the norms and mismatched values out of myself so that I will be less sensitive and sceptical to all the treatments I am getting from every corners of the society. That's all to it. It is just a simple thought and adapt process I have in myself.
Isn't the post getting a little long. Just bear with me a little longer as I still have a couple of things to jot down.
I was trying to focus on programming this weekend. However, as I was saving up money, I didn't really buy myself lunch causing me to be tired after my morning jog. Hence, I was not able to accomplish much this weekend. Or should I say I achieve nothing at all because I spent my afternoon sleeping. I realize I shouldn't do that since it will result in me being unproductive. So I decided to think of some other way. Maybe stock up more instant food around the house when I get my pay for February.
In addition to that, I have not been drawing much recently nor have I been practising the song that I have decided to learn. I spend too much time thinking about things that cause me to be depressed and unproductive. It is time for me to stop doing that and starts focusing. I have a couple of annual leave that I ought to take before March, however, I couldn't find a good time to take them. So when I have the chance, I should make use of the leave to study and to do the things that I ought to complete.
Here you here at the end of this post and the end of our precious weekend. Hope you will have a good time the upcoming week.
Ciao~
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